House of Dreams

The coolness of temperature that accompanies the constant rain brings bleakness. I feel on an endless loop. My footprints for work contained in three rooms on two floors of the apartment. Escaping outside is not worth pursuing in the cold, windy wet weather.  COVID continues to shake us to the core.  Melbourne outbreaks are putting the nation on edge in Australia.  Here in Amsterdam, life has regained its shape, but we still cannot return to the office. 

I suppress my sense of discomfort for we are privileged and living in a beautiful area.We have food on the table, and cake in the cupboard and a generous euro income.  What more could we want?  More time with Thomas in the same room, impromptu cups of tea with dear and loved ones in the next suburb, planning a trip without uncertainty. Sydney accents. Quiet moments where I can hug my dearest friends, and laughter uncontained with people who know me well. Social structures are difficult to form in COVID times. I imss so much of my life in Australia.  I feel brave and adventurous being here, but. I miss. Constantly. I miss so the simplicity of life on the northern beaches of Sydney and the certainty of life in a sun drenched city. 

It's a useful platform this blog where I can count my readers on a couple of hands. It's like a quiet room, where thoughts won't go far, giving me open license to air my unspeakable thoughts.  I do love it here in Amsterdam,  but on gloomy rainy days, I yearn for sun and Sydney. It's meant to be summer, but European weather has a mind of its own.  It's the middle of the afternon and I'm in between video conferences. My padded room, my blog is keeping me company in these quiet moments.  

We have reached the milestone of having relocated and lived in Amsterdam for a year. The time has passed rapidly,  and we are already planning the second year and what it might hold.  A three week trip to Sydney and Brisbane for family and friends, to celebrate Thomas' 21st birthday next year in August and September.  That will be a special milestone. 

Once we've been here two years, the third year will fly. What then will we do in our fourth year, will it be time to return to Sydney and immerse back into our former life? We feel at home here, and the beauty and seamless simplicity of our lives strengthens the anchor that ties us here.  But home will always be Australia. In my mind four years feels like a perfect arc of time to find our footing and live a European life. To know that we've embraced this experience for all its worth. I feel much more global in my thinking, more aware of the Teutonic plates that shift politically and socially.  Shaping our perspective, informing with greater depth a sense of who and what we are. What our roles should be in contributing to a sounder, fairer, kinder society.  I feel this more in Europe than in Sydney.  My sense of social responsibility is more apparent, a more powerful undercurrent that informs my actions. 

Is it is sign of how embedded we are in this our European life, that an obligatory post celebrating this milestone went unchecked on June 9?  I think so. It's just another day in what will be a life well lived abroad. 

I am a silent audience to the sketches, the brief moments when pen meets paper and forms lines, shapes and characters. 

I marvel at the simplicity, for it is simple, and yet, clever. Capturing form in unexpected ways. It gives a glimpse of how his mind may wander when he's in meetings or how shapes on paper happen subconsciously. I am intrigued and follow quietly the sketches that appear across the week.  I am but one of few who follow, and I like the modesty. The careless creativity of simply drawing, taking an image and uploading to a social channel. No expectation of audience or engagement, just a door left ajar.  

Creativity comes in many forms. Quickness and brevity of the pen can yield great moments of clarity, but I don't think that's his intention. It matters not the intent,  but the delivery is charming. It comes across my feed and I can view this a million miles away from where the process takes place. 

I've just finished reading the Golden Finch by Donna Tartt. Published back in 2013 (how did I miss seeing this when it arrived in the bookstores?) I have rarely read a book so exquisite in its prose, so tortured in the description of its main character and so deeply moving across the ravaged life of Theo Decker.  I wept, I held my breath, I languished but thrived with the delicate nuances of the language this author wrote.  It takes her a decade to complete a novel, likewise it's also no mean feat to come to the final page of the book for the reader. 

To write with such colour and tone, darkness and light. Each descriptive phrase that comes from her keyboard is like being given the gift of sight. I was lost in the world and streets of New York, and the focus on antique restoration which felt central to the theme. The description of his mother and her memory and the way her absence informs Theo's life choices, fills me with a tender sense of deep loss.  

If I were ever to become a published writer, no wait, when I become a published author I will honour and give tribute to Donna Tartt for showing me a glimpse of the true greatness of writing that lifts our souls, pulling at the sinews of our silent thoughts. I lived in every moment of Theo Decker's life. No small wonder she won the Pulitzer Prize. It is a worthy yardstick, to only buy those books who have won this literary prize. They are living treasures in the literary world that give us mere readers the means to live a thousand different lives in our imagination.  So strong were the themes and the story telling I fell asleep regularly for the last week in the early hours of the morning. It affected my moods and sense of joy and sadness, so rich the story telling. For two whole unstoppable weeks, Theo Decker's life became more real than my own. 

The movie was released last year in 2019 and I must see this now. Here is the overview of the novel in all its glory.   https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/sep/05/the-goldfinch-can-a-film-solve-donna-tartts-most-divisive-book#:~:text=Warner%20Brothers%20bought%20the%20rights,it%20begged%20to%20be%20filmed.&text=Now%2C%20however%2C%20Tartt's%20third%20novel,been%20made%20into%20a%20film.

Week 15 and it's now come full circle.  I'm seeing similar hints of fatigue in my colleagues - here in Amsterdam, as well with those in beautiful Ireland, in London and Boston. We're all reaching a point of wanting to return to a more structured environment.  Don't judge me, I'm not whining like the Americans who in their inane stupidity are collectively driving the country into the ground with their disregard for social distancing and masks. They are on the brink of reinfection disaster of such proportions, reporters keep comparing this to the effects unlike any since World War Two. It feels apocalyptic on so many levels. 

And in between this chaos,  there are cultural shifts that have taken the world and shaken us all to the core.  Black Lives that Matter is finally resonating, and actions are being taken, perpetrators of police brutality are being held to account.  Our agency is standing up for rights, embracing new and different ways of working.  I am joining the global team whose programs are currently US focused. We will work together to seek global integration of these diversity programs. Not a moment to soon and yet,  so overdue. 

Purpose has new meaning. Actionable meaning. Where we need to put our money where our mouth is. Our global agency - one of the third largest in the world,  with thousands of employees and consultants across the globe in 111 offices in 29 countries, mandated June 19 a day off for reflection. That's millions in consulting hours across the globe freed up to make way for a moment of reflection.  I felt proud of the organisation I work for. I want my living hours to be part on this movement and make a difference. 

We have millions in pro bono hours allocated for this year. To be part of this working group to find, identify and work with not for profit communities feels meaningful and real. We can make a difference to those small or medium sized black and ethnic volunteer groups who need help in building their voice and their story for all to hear.